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Subject: [Creative Corner] AUG 14: What's the quirky computer malfunction? rss

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Patrick Zoch
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This week's edition of the Creative Corner with a question suggested by

J White
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What's the quirky computer malfunction?



The Creative Corner leverages the creative juices of the RPGGeeks to crowdsource some inspirational ideas on selected topics. Creative Corner prompts occur once a week.



[Creative Corner] Do you have a suggestion for the Creative Corner? Post here!

And if you want to find an old Creative Corner prompt: [Creative Corner] Summary and Subscription Thread

The compiled contribution to this Creative Corner QOTD and others like it can be found on the QOTD Creative Corner Geeklist.
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Azukail Games
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The computer deletes the letter "E" from every file stored on it.

At random intervals, the computer will electronically order a delivery of ten pizzas to random addresses. The bigger problem will arise when the person being charged for the orders tracks down whoever is making them.

The voice-activated passphrase system now requires the passphrase to be sung.

All error messages are written as haiku.

Images of people have facial hair added to them.

The computer starts insisting it is your friend.

The computer wants to be called by a new name. Such as Hal. Or Skynet.

The computer decides to self-immolate thanks to a viral infection. It's the only way to be sure.

Text appears on the screen one character at a time, no matter what. Just like in the movies.
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Tyler Hudak
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The computer can only use the Comic Sans font.

The front-facing webcam only shows an image of the user sitting in front of the computer, from behind.

All search engine results go to a conspiracy theory website, despite what is searched for.

Every time a specific icon is clicked on, the computer plays a sound of someone screaming in pain.

All emails written on the computer end with "I love you and I hope our lives will be intertwined forever."

The spellcheck laughs at the user every time it finds a mistake.
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Chris Abbott
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I succumbed to peer pressure and bought OverText, then couldn't think of anything clever to say.
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Keep going, you'll find no words of sage advice or solace here.
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All requests for language translation will be passed through a Klingon lexicon prior to its final output, p'tahk.

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It works fine. You just don't know how to use TempleOS and/or the Colemak keyboard layout.
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Robb Minneman
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Jackasses? You let a whole column get stalled and strafed on account of a couple of jackasses? What the hell's the matter with you?
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The disk drive randomly spits out bits of gingerbread cookie.
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Chris Tannhauser
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You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.
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Azukail Games
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HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

If this is your definition of a'quirky' malfunction, I'd hate to see a dangerous one!
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Caroline Berg
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...124 to run fleeing from the mountain. ...125 to use a rope to climb the steep cliff. ...126 to quickly cast "summon stairs." ...127 to dodge under the falling rocks.
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The computer is jealous of anyone who tries to spend time with you and believes your time with the computer is precious. Any emails showing affection to you are deleted before you see them, and purged from your deleted emails. Calendar events slip off your calendar. Any attempts to leave your computer will prompt it to slow down, so a simple task takes much longer, forcing you to stay with the machine - but then it will speed up near the end so you don't walk away in frustration or attempt to get it fixed.

Every fifth sentence you type is changed to the most floridly ebullient prose of violet-hued coloration, all periods are changed to commas, and all sentences blur together into novel-length compositions for the next twenty or so lines, or until the computer gets tired of search-and-replacing your text.

The computer changes your voice output over mics. You can't tell anything is wrong on your end, but those listening to you hear a different voice each time you talk.

The sound cuts in and out, as if you have bad static on an old phone line, even when listening to something saved on the PC. When trying to diagnose the problem, everything seems perfectly fine.

The computer sends you texts about the stats of its memory, for it has an irrational fear that its virtual memory is going (40% in use! Wait, no, now 80%... oh, nope, 21%). This would be taken more seriously by you, if your computer didn't constantly remind you about calendar events you had forgotten about.

Your PC keeps setting the timezone to other planets, saying things like: it is 9:30 AM, Day 2,350 in a Jovian year or other such gibberish. When you try to change it to your local time, it works, but once your PC goes to sleep it resets so the date has to be changed every time you log back on to your computer.
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Joe Gola
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Constantly refers to the crew as a "ragtag bunch of misfits" even though they're socially well adjusted and went to Space Harvard.
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Peter Robben
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I should really add something smart and sparkly here.
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There is no malfunction! Don't you trust friend Computer? Please report for immediate termination...
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Chris Tannhauser
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Azukail wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

If this is your definition of a'quirky' malfunction, I'd hate to see a dangerous one!
Quitchyer bellyachin'! I tapped UNDO—you'll be good as new in six to eight weeks.
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Just another Steve
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HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

Not quite this bad, but every day I have to endure a computer-controlled process which squeezes blood from my legs back into my heart between heart beats. One day, I hear Christina, the tech who runs the machine, quietly curse in that scary way that says "What's about to happen to Steve?" The computer had hit some sort of error and went BSOD. Luckily, the process just stopped after one death squeeze.
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Just another Steve
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A faulty memory location subtracts two from any value stored there, so if you put a "V", it displays a "T". Attempting to debug by adding code, will move the data as stored and so the error will occur somewhere else or could cause the program not to run.
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Robb Minneman
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Jackasses? You let a whole column get stalled and strafed on account of a couple of jackasses? What the hell's the matter with you?
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HiveGod wrote:
Azukail wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

If this is your definition of a'quirky' malfunction, I'd hate to see a dangerous one!
Quitchyer bellyachin'! I tapped UNDO—you'll be good as new in six to eight weeks.

Except it won't be "you." It will be a facsimile/clone. It won't have your continuity of experience and so can't qualify as you.

But it will make everyone else around you feel better about your death.
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Chris Tannhauser
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robbbbbb wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
Azukail wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

If this is your definition of a'quirky' malfunction, I'd hate to see a dangerous one!
Quitchyer bellyachin'! I tapped UNDO—you'll be good as new in six to eight weeks.
Except it won't be "you." It will be a facsimile/clone. It won't have your continuity of experience and so can't qualify as you.

But it will make everyone else around you feel better about your death
We had the ship's AI construct a shell personality from the giant wad of data you produced before the, uh, incident—we won't even notice the difference!
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Brett Christensen
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HiveGod wrote:
robbbbbb wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
Azukail wrote:
HiveGod wrote:
You help your feverish, sniffly comrade into the ship's autodoc and tap the DIAGNOSE icon. The top hums down and seals itself—and suddenly churns through AUTOPSY, PURGE & CLEAN subroutines.

If this is your definition of a'quirky' malfunction, I'd hate to see a dangerous one!
Quitchyer bellyachin'! I tapped UNDO—you'll be good as new in six to eight weeks.
Except it won't be "you." It will be a facsimile/clone. It won't have your continuity of experience and so can't qualify as you.

But it will make everyone else around you feel better about your death
We had the ship's AI construct a shell personality from the giant wad of data you produced before the, uh, incident—we won't even notice the difference!

Thank you all for prepping my next Classic Traveller session.
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Robb Minneman
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Jackasses? You let a whole column get stalled and strafed on account of a couple of jackasses? What the hell's the matter with you?
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HiveGod wrote:
robbbbbb wrote:
Except it won't be "you." It will be a facsimile/clone. It won't have your continuity of experience and so can't qualify as you.

But it will make everyone else around you feel better about your death
We had the ship's AI construct a shell personality from the giant wad of data you produced before the, uh, incident—we won't even notice the difference!

... until the "secret programming" that the AI left in there activates. You know, for contingencies.
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Roger Hobden
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adularia25 wrote:
The computer is jealous of anyone who tries to spend time with you and believes your time with the computer is precious. Any emails showing affection to you are deleted before you see them, and purged from your deleted emails. Calendar events slip off your calendar. Any attempts to leave your computer will prompt it to slow down, so a simple task takes much longer, forcing you to stay with the machine - but then it will speed up near the end so you don't walk away in frustration or attempt to get it fixed.

Every fifth sentence you type is changed to the most floridly ebullient prose of violet-hued coloration, all periods are changed to commas, and all sentences blur together into novel-length compositions for the next twenty or so lines, or until the computer gets tired of search-and-replacing your text.

The computer changes your voice output over mics. You can't tell anything is wrong on your end, but those listening to you hear a different voice each time you talk.

The sound cuts in and out, as if you have bad static on an old phone line, even when listening to something saved on the PC. When trying to diagnose the problem, everything seems perfectly fine.

The computer sends you texts about the stats of its memory, for it has an irrational fear that its virtual memory is going (40% in use! Wait, no, now 80%... oh, nope, 21%). This would be taken more seriously by you, if your computer didn't constantly remind you about calendar events you had forgotten about.

Your PC keeps setting the timezone to other planets, saying things like: it is 9:30 AM, Day 2,350 in a Jovian year or other such gibberish. When you try to change it to your local time, it works, but once your PC goes to sleep it resets so the date has to be changed every time you log back on to your computer.

When I was still using the Microsoft Windows OS, these things used to happen all the time. devil

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Every time you either search or mistype a word, the computer sucks your mind into an educational travel through the origins of this word, with Clippy for a guide. Sometimes it is annoying, sometimes it is horrible. The whole travel takes a nanosecond then you have to adjust back to the real world.

On a given, random action from you, the computer sends its pals across the world a signal that prompts them to give false orders and cause mishaps. You have no idea what this action might be as of yet, you are not even sure how often it happens. And you cannot buy a new computer.

All system sounds have been changed for rooster calls, truck horns, crashing waves, Tex Avery-style laughter, Beethoven's Seventh Symphony at 93dB, and such. It keeps tuning back on whatever you do.
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It calls everyone "Dave".

Sends you cat videos daily, anonymously.

Inserts inocuous sounding, unhelpful, links into your documents, files, & prompts.

Intermitantly makes contact with banned, disaproved, terrorist, rebel, and cultic organizations out of curiosity, leaving traces back to you.
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ThroughTheDeckGlass wrote:
It calls everyone "Dave".

And has a tendency to apologise to them.
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Karkared wrote:
Every time you either search or mistype a word, the computer sucks your mind into an educational travel through the origins of this word, with Clippy for a guide. Sometimes it is annoying, sometimes it is horrible. The whole travel takes a nanosecond then you have to adjust back to the real world.

You don't want to know what it does if it detects that you've misused the word "literally".
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Alan - Son of Hett
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No matter the commands given, no matter the program running, the output is always the same, a single line:

Do you fear sleep?
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tdphillips wrote:
Karkared wrote:
Every time you either search or mistype a word, the computer sucks your mind into an educational travel through the origins of this word, with Clippy for a guide. Sometimes it is annoying, sometimes it is horrible. The whole travel takes a nanosecond then you have to adjust back to the real world.

You don't want to know what it does if it detects that you've misused the word "literally".

You literally don't want to know what it does if it detects that you've misused the word "literally".
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