|
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
Now that voting is done, I want to see some feedback.
I wrote this RPG very quickly and I soon realized that there were lots of ways I could make it better. Some of the things I want to do are:
 Clarify the rules. I wrote them quickly and work got in the way of me being able to go back and revise them within the twenty-four hour period. I'd specify which parts need to be clarified, but will just suffice it to say "all of it." Abilities and how to use them really need to be clarified.
 Add more examples and clarify the ones that are there.
 Develop the world more. I got too caught up in writing it fast to really create the world I wanted to create. It came across as too generic for my tastes. If I had to do it over again, I'd probably create a neighborhood for the protagonists to hail from.
 Develop the enemy more. Again, this was too generic.
 Add magic. It's something I wanted to do, but wasn't sure how at the time.
What else can you think of? Post it here or PM me.
-
The Man Unmasked
United States
Jackson
MS
-
Your concept is great. Here are my notes:
1) Look into attributes points. I think I saw a typo in there that confused me a bit. Seemed to be it repeated itself when it was supposed to say something new.
2) Your Fight or Flight mechanic was really clever. My only concern is that it might make failure more statistically probable, since it wouldn't be too terribly uncommon to miss your fight/flight check, and with skills rarely being above, say, a five, it makes succeeding, even when you do pass your fight/flight check only marginally favorable. Unless I misread it.
3) I like your damage mechanic. Nice, simple, and practical.
4) You never specify, but I assume with the baddies, Dark = Fight and Light = Flight?
-
Michal E. Cross
England
London
London
-
I agree with Sean's comments.
I also feel that you need to say whether your attribute examples are Fight or Flight, and maybe add some more obscure examples.
Cheers! 
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
dumwytgi wrote: Your concept is great. Here are my notes:
Thanks!
dumwytgi wrote:
1) Look into attributes points. I think I saw a typo in there that confused me a bit. Seemed to be it repeated itself when it was supposed to say something new.
I'll make sure I give that section a very thorough read to catch any and all ambiguities and outright errors. That's why I always like to have others read what I write. I know what I was intending to write, and if I don't force myself to read it really slow I end up seeing what I thought I wrote.
dumwytgi wrote:
2) Your Fight or Flight mechanic was really clever. My only concern is that it might make failure more statistically probable, since it wouldn't be too terribly uncommon to miss your fight/flight check, and with skills rarely being above, say, a five, it makes succeeding, even when you do pass your fight/flight check only marginally favorable. Unless I misread it.
No. You read it right. When I was writing it, I knew the mechanics were skewed toward failure. Unfortunately, I was running out of time and couldn't think of anything better. I might switch it to Attrib + Ability + dX vs. a static target number for all actions. A modifier would then be applied to handle variations in difficulty.
dumwytgi wrote:
3) I like your damage mechanic. Nice, simple, and practical.
Thanks! I was trying to keep things simple. I'm glad it worked out that way.
dumwytgi wrote:
4) You never specify, but I assume with the baddies, Dark = Fight and Light = Flight?
In not so many words, yes. However, fight or flight just didn't seem like the correct terms for the forces of evil. I will spell this out in the next revision.
I have a specific question on the mechanics.
What are readers thoughts on the corrupting Darkness?
Was it too over the top corny?
Do you like the option to trade off physical damage for corruption?
Should there be a way to reduce Darkness?
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
ComicJam wrote: I agree with Sean's comments. I also feel that you need to say whether your attribute examples are Fight or Flight, and maybe add some more obscure examples. Cheers!
Do you mean in the examples in the rules or as part of character creation?
Also, what are some things you'd like to see obscure examples of? Since they're obscure, I guess I'm not catching them. 
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
Oh. And one more thing...
Do you think the game would benefit from having defined skill sets per animal?
ex.A cat has the following X skills while a dog has Y skills.
Or do you prefer the more free-form design?
-
Michal E. Cross
England
London
London
-
cjbowser wrote: ComicJam wrote: I also feel that you need to say whether your attribute examples are Fight or Flight, and maybe add some more obscure examples. Do you mean in the examples in the rules or as part of character creation?
Both. Examples in the rules during character creation (which you need more of).
Sorry for not being clear.
cjbowser wrote: Do you think the game would benefit from having defined skill sets per animal?
ex.A cat has the following X skills while a dog has Y skills.
Or do you prefer the more free-form design?
Maybe these could be optional quickstart templates (BESMdoes this).
What are readers thoughts on the corrupting Darkness?
Was it too over the top corny?
I like hopeless situations, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.
Do you like the option to trade off physical damage for corruption?
Not really. That doesn't make sense to me. Mental and the like makes sense. Unless, of course, physical mutations are involved! 
Should there be a way to reduce Darkness?
Maybe as a reward for completing a major goal against Darkness.
Cheers!
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
ComicJam wrote: cjbowser wrote: Do you think the game would benefit from having defined skill sets per animal?
ex.A cat has the following X skills while a dog has Y skills.
Or do you prefer the more free-form design? Maybe these could be optional quickstart templates ( BESMdoes this).
That's easily doable, and a very good idea. Thanks!
ComicJam wrote:
What are readers thoughts on the corrupting Darkness?
Was it too over the top corny?
I like hopeless situations, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.
As someone who likes hopeless situations, you'd be a good judge of whether or not it was too over the top.
ComicJam wrote: Do you like the option to trade off physical damage for corruption?Not really. That doesn't make sense to me. Mental and the like makes sense. Unless, of course, physical mutations are involved!
The intent was that the animal is slowly transformed into the appropriate beast. At first, maybe the eyes glow a little red in reflected light, then the claws grow longer and sharper, eventually once the Darkness consumes the animal, it's completely transformed. I guess there's another area for clarification.
ComicJam wrote: Should there be a way to reduce Darkness? Maybe as a reward for completing a major goal against Darkness. Cheers!
OK. I'll see what I can do with that.
Thanks again for all the feedback.
-
Michal E. Cross
England
London
London
-
Quote: As someone who likes hopeless situations, you'd be a good judge of whether or not it was too over the top.
Really?! As long as I die in a blaze of glory, I'm having fun. So for me its at a good level.
Cheers!
-
Ken H.
United States
Amherst
Ohio
-
Good job, and congrats on the high ranking finish.
I suggest clarifying the Fight or Flight section. I don't quite understand the purpose of that roll. The rule only says that if you roll less than your characteristic, you can act as you want and if you roll over, your "opposite instinct kicks in". Two problems: (1) what if you roll the number exactly, and (2) what does it mean mechancally when your opposite instinct kicks in. I think the example answers these questions, but it's not really clear (to me at least). Plus, it seems like a key concept, so it should be explained in rules, not examples.
Also, in the TN section, you use the word "ability", where I think you mean attribute. Not sure, though.
It needs more setting info, including sample missions. Also describe interaction with the real world, especially with humans. The theme seems like it will be interesting, but is too sparsely described at the moment. I wouldn't use "boggart" in the examples, since I don't think the average person knows what a boggart is, and it wasn't explained until the last page.
Like all of these 24 hour projects, it would benefit from a transcript showing an extended example of actual play. I realize this is basically impossible within the time limit.
Re your questions:
What are readers thoughts on the corrupting Darkness? It's interesting, but explain it more in terms of what it represents (as you have done in this thread). Also, think about adding some mechanical teeth to having a high Darkness score. Something other than "your game is almost over".
Was it too over the top corny? Doesn't seem corny to me. I like the kid-appropriate theme (although the damage rules might be a little complex for younger kids). Might be corny for a table full of adults.
Do you like the option to trade off physical damage for corruption? Yes, but as above, add something to link this mechanic to the theme. Explain what is supposedly happening when a character does it.
Should there be a way to reduce Darkness? Definitely. Otherwise, the game would seem to have a too-short duration. I suggest something involving interaction with humans. Animals being petted, etc. Makes me think there should be some sort of "cuteness" check. Affection/persuasion, whatever you want to call it.
Do you think the game would benefit from having defined skill sets per animal? ex.A cat has the following X skills while a dog has Y skills. Or do you prefer the more free-form design? Free form, but more examples. In the alternative, make just one or two defined attributes for each animal, and allow the rest to be free form. Like, pet turtles must have high health and low flight (or whatever), but otherwise they can have anything reasonable.
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
Ken,
Thanks for the detailed reply. Sorry I didn't post sooner, but the holiday weekend kept me busy.
Fight or Flight was intended to demonstrate the animal's natural instincts. Yes, it wants to help the children by fighting the monster, but the hero is still an animal and sometimes it responds instinctually.
Looking back over the text, I realize that I never detailed what happens when you fail the fight or flight roll. I give an example in the text, but obviously that's not sufficient. I believe this was a casualty of the time limit. I *thought* I explained it but never got a chance to go back and look.
One goal is to integrate all the mechanics into the theme and vice versa. I think that will result in a much more solid, stable project.
I do want to, at some point, return to work on this project and see what I can do with more resources. All your feedback will definitely be very useful.
Again, thanks to everybody who read and commented on this work! All the feedback is very helpful.
-
The War Chief
United States
Parkville
Unspecified
-
Perhaps you should check out the Beasts of Burden series by Evan Dorkin, especially for the magic used by the dogs and cats.
-
Chad Bowser
United States
Kernersville
North Carolina
-
That comic was one of my inspirations for the game.
-
|
|
|
